Me and my soulmate: Do we deserve each other?



Photo : Oleh Slobodeniuk (Flickr)


Companionship: The state of being with someone. Companionship is a need, no matter how much we run away from it, we desire that good feeling which comes when we are with someone. As we spend more time with any specific person, we come across various different aspects of their life and we feel connected and sometimes disconnected. Attachment is something that develops during the course of this process. If we feel disconnected, we just require time to get over it, be it a general friendship or a relationship. If we feel connected, it’s just a beginning of a journey, destination of which, nobody knows. Sometimes, it’s pleasant and can leave you broken into pieces too.
Question is, how would we know that a specific person is the right one and we can be in return be the absolute fit for them too? It’s complicated.

They say, people who are more close to you than others in general, hurt you the most. Is it?. The more we grow close to someone the more we get to know about that person’s deep down feelings, emotions, thoughts and very minute detail of character. That is rapport. When we visit a doctor, we know this is the person who is going to treat our illness and a trust develops, psychologically. That trend is changing though, we have to be careful, remember that doctor who stole a guy’s kidney? That was in the news and even in the movie, “Ship of Theseus” a doctor steals a poor labor guy’s kidney. Trust is the factor that plays an important role binding two individuals together. It is, in fact, the reason for us to open up and express the deep down feelings. Without trust, that’s just near to impossible. If you are being judged, categorized, you may not be casual at your words or about the confessions you make in front of the significant other. You require a certain level of comfort wrapped up in trust and rapport.

That’s not all to a relationship, is it? Why do we have black roses on Valentine’s Day? Things don’t always work out well, even after an assumed bonding. Just when we accept that this is the right one for me, the whole world comes falling down in front of us, sometimes. In the TV series Elementary, Sherlock Holmes was profiled by Kathryn Drummond after a hot fling. He never saw that coming. It wasn’t even a formal affair and yet he was pretty mad at her. (Watch the Series, if you are a Sherlock Holmes fan.)

Question is, are you ready to take risks every time? Or is there a way in this world using which you can just find your soul mate. We are talking about the involvement of feelings that we generally term as Love. That’s my soul mate! Right there, wearing a red dress and I can see a halo on her head. Sigh! Only if it was that simple.

What if it was actually that simple? Well, the thing is, even if we meet our soul mate (hypothetically speaking.) Just imagine for a while. Our encounter with our better half. To begin with, we can’t really predict anything, there flat on floor. Whether it would be a good start, if it would be all sweet. “My soul mate will forgive all my mistakes”. “Oh! This person is not understanding why I took that absurd step”, “he can’t be the right one, move on princess!” It just happens most of the time, no? Undeniable truth. There are many real life stories wherein two companions broke up just to realize and regret that they did the biggest mistake of their life. Beyond repair. So, is it really a hit and trial thing? Do it at your own risk thing? People are left stranded, in a broken emotional state. Not knowing what to do, depressed. Some get over it just like that, well that’s how it is.

India is an incredible country and it’s known for arrange marriages. I won’t say I endorse this thing, but a lot of successful stories have come out of it. Two strangers tied the knot, didn’t really know about each other, still they manage to have a healthy relationship. Love and the bonding come later in marriage, it starts with some basic things, “respect” being one of them.

If we just take a deep breath and instead of looking for a soul mate and our self-defined right one. Can we just look at ourselves from some distance as a third person? See who we are, are we perfect? Do we really deserve the one who we are looking for, longing for with all our heart? What is so special about us that justifies our longing and expectations for the perfect one?

The truth is, we aren’t perfect. There are many inequities we do on a regular basis. Can’t we just admit that we are not perfect, and be who we are before putting a list of expectations in front of the prospective other to judge them. Observe who they are, listen to what they have to say, make an attempt to make them smile? Understand them, listen to the reason behind what they do, try to understand their point of view? There’s so much, literally so much to one’s being. It goes unnoticed since most of the time all we are concerned about is, finding the readymade well-tailored tall-dark-handsome or a 5′ 7” soft spoken brunette, that we just overlook all these things.

Don’t you think it would be awesome to have someone who understands what you have to say even when you have not uttered a single word? Someone who really makes an effort to reach to you, to understand you, keeping his ego aside.

That my friend, comes when you really get out of the obsession of finding the right one. And be who you really are in the first place, your original self. You just don’t have to rush. Give the person all the time they need to open up, in fact, to anyone in your life, be it an acquaintance or a college friend. Find a way to develop the level of comfort which allows them to smile when they want, laugh with all awkwardness without thinking twice. Be who they are. Trust me, it won’t take them long to embrace you in the arms, close to their heart. Love and care is what we long for, be the one who could offer it, selflessly and see what life has to offer you in return. Bliss!

Me and my soulmate: Do we deserve each other?- Vibrant Echoes